World Class Hugs

By Rachel Puryear

We’ve all heard about black holes in outer space, and probably marveled at how dangerous they could be – with their gravity being so strong that nothing can escape them. However, luckily, you will probably never actually encounter a black hole in outer space.

What you’re much more likely to encounter right here on Earth, though, is a different kind of black hole – one that can also be highly destructive, suck everything inside while nothing comes back out, and even pose a grave threat to the well-being of all those around them – that is, the emotional black hole.

So, what is an emotional black hole? Of course, the term is inspired by the space phenomenon known for sucking things into it, but never letting anything back out – and a similar reasoning applies to people considered to be emotional black holes. So here is more about people who might be emotional black holes, and possibly dealing with them:

They Are Takers, Not Givers

This is, of course, directly in line with time and effort and resources going into them, but never coming back out.

Sometimes, they profoundly lack self-awareness, and it simply doesn’t occur to them to appreciate what others do and sacrifice for them – nor to reciprocate anything.

Other times, they are deeply entitled, and feel that the world owes them special treatment. When they don’t get their way (and even when they really shouldn’t get their way), they take offense, and feel it’s the greatest injustice ever. They would feel that others who treated them the way they treat others, are the worst – and even that those who expect an equal relationship or friendship are asking for something unreasonable, and being too demanding.

Then there are those who deliberately take everything they possibly can from others – not just for the obvious benefits of such, but also in order to control others; by making sure that they never have enough of anything (time, resources, mental energy, and so forth) for themselves.

They Demand Tremendous Emotional Resources From Others, But Don’t Provide Any

This of course builds upon the previous point, and also focuses on the emotional aspect of the emotional black hole.

An emotional black hole demands tremendous empathy and sympathy for their problems, but lacks it for others. Whatever they’re going through, it’s the worst thing in the world – but whatever you’re going through…it’s never nearly as bad as what they’ve been through, or are going through now! Or so they claim.

They want you to listen to them (often endlessly complain), but don’t want to listen to others. They don’t want to admit to being wrong or be accountable for their behavior at all, but they want to punish and blame anyone they think has wronged them (and they’re not reasonable about defining such, either). If they deeply hurt you, they expect you to let it go, and think it’s no big deal – but will never forgive you if you hurt them, and think there are no excuses or justifications for any (actual or perceived) wrongdoing towards themselves.

They Are Deeply Self-Centered

They feel that the entire universe revolves around them, and take for granted that they are – of course – the most important person on Earth. When others don’t act accordingly, they feel insulted, and view it as a kind of mistreatment when they are treated equally with everyone else.

They Don’t See Past Themselves

This is part of their self-centeredness. They might not even realize how much they make everything about themselves. They don’t see other people as being as unique as they are, and having needs that are just as legitimate as their own. They lack an awareness of other people’s realities and different priorities.

They Are Bottomless Pits of Neediness

We all need things from others at times, and that’s okay. And of course, giving and receiving is very important. Emotional black holes, though, are constantly needy – in a way that drives others crazy.

No matter what you do for them, it often feels like it’s never enough – there’s always another crisis, and those around them tend to constantly feel eclipsed and forgotten about in the midst of the emotional black hole’s (often self-inflicted) never-ending drama train wreck.

How to Deal With an Emotional Black Hole?

Sometimes, an emotional black hole is not a bad person, but one who is deeply dysfunctional and challenging. Even as difficult as they are, you might still love and enjoy the better side of them – but often wonder whether it is worth it during that many times that feel so painful and lonely to be around them.

Boundaries are, of course, extremely important with such a person. Not that they’re likely to respect them, of course, but that means that you really have to enforce them. That may or may not make having this person in your life to any significant extent impossible, and it will likely at least make some strict limits with them necessary.

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Thank you, dear readers, for reading, following, and sharing. Here’s to those with light coming back out of them. If you enjoyed this post, please “like” and subscribe, if you have not already.

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