World Class Hugs

By Rachel Puryear

We often hear about relationship red flags, and toxic types of people to avoid. There’s good reason for the popularity of this subject, as bad relationships can bring so much misery and pain – and could be harder to get out of than into.

However, we still don’t focus enough attention on relationship green flags – the kinds of people we should look for, and promising signs early on in a relationship. This deserves attention equally with the former subject.

Furthermore; we hear a lot about the difficulties that highly sensitive/empathic people can have in relationships, especially if we pair up with the wrong kinds of people because we ignore our needs that arise out of our very nature.

But again, we lack guidance on what we should be looking for, and consider desirable for ourselves.

Accordingly, here are some suggestions specifically for HSP/empathic people, in terms of what kinds of people they should look for in choosing their relationships and friendships:

Others Like Themselves

It sounds cliché, but a highly sensitive and empathic person really does tend to be better off with someone else who is also highly sensitive and empathic – or who is moderately sensitive.

We understand each other better than others tend to, including our (often unrealized) needs. We share a need to connect deeply, and the capacity for such that often doesn’t feel the same in people with low sensitivity and empathy. We tend to feel more seen by one another – after many of us have spent lifetimes feeling like aliens from another planet around less sensitive, less empathic majorities of people.

According to Dr. Elaine’s seminal book, The Highly Sensitive Person, HSP’s are about 20% off the human population (across different cultures, among different generations, and within all genders – and even amongst many animal populations). Moderately sensitive people are about another 20%. So that’s a large segment of the population, combined.

Of course, there is a caveat here: Just because a particular person is also HSP/empathic does not necessarily mean they are a match for you, individually. There’s more that goes into compatibility and attraction. Furthermore, just because someone is sensitive and empathic does not necessarily mean they are good partner material, or that a relationship with them couldn’t be toxic. Every person is unique, and any kind of disposition has a huge variety of people within it.

Someone Who Accepts Them Fully

For any relationship to last, and have the involved partners feel safe and build intimacy, and closeness; each person must feel fully accepted by the other(s).

Each person needs to be able to share openly and honestly of themselves without fear of judgment, and to also make that effort themselves. Each partner must really know the other, and also make themselves known.

Reliability

This is not only important to empathic/highly sensitive people – but most of us tend to highly value being able to depend on partners and friends. We have a strong need to be able to count on those we love, as it helps us to feel both safe and valued within that relationship.

Honesty and Transparency

Highly sensitive and empathic people value honesty and transparency in others. Again, we’re not the only ones – but betrayal, lying, and even a lack of self-awareness are unacceptable to us.

I’d like to say we’re hard to lie to, and the common perception is that we know better than others do when someone is lying. I think the reality is more complicated than that.

We do tend to notice subtle cues particularly well, and when someone we know is behaving a bit strangely. That’s not a skill that’s confined to us, but we tend to be good at that. This can tip us off to dishonesty and insincerity.

At the same time, we also tend to give others the benefit of the doubt – including oftentimes when we should not. Many of us can also be easily manipulated, due to our caring nature that doesn’t want to hurt others – in fact, we tend to be vulnerable to that, until we’ve made the effort to develop skills in not letting others manipulate us, and seeing others for who they are rather than who we might want to believe they are. Because of this tendency, we might sometimes deny when someone (especially someone we care about) is dishonest with us, or is even betraying us.

Therefore, it’s really important for us to pay close attention to someone’s behaviors, rather than the content of what they say. The effort to learn this skill can really benefit us so many times over, and is well worth it – especially since it might help us avoid narcissists.

Paying attention to actions over words, and making sure that someone keeps their promises over time – as well as treating you in a caring and respectful manner both in public and in private – is important to selecting a partner who is honest and transparent. This is an absolute necessity for any successful relationship.

Strong Communication

In a successful relationship, mutual understanding is essential. Each person sharing of themselves builds intimacy and closeness, and knowing one another well is important to determining compatibility.

Accordingly, strong communication skills are important to all of these things. Good communicators are able to express themselves, their ideas and feelings, and their needs and desires to one another – as well as ask one another important questions about themselves, too.

Caring and Loyal

Highly sensitive and empathic people do not need a partner to be perfect, or to always see things the same way as they do.

They do absolutely need their partner to care – about them, and to be a caring and supportive person in general. They also need a partner to be loyal to them – to not betray them, and to back them up in the face of toxic and abusive people. They aren’t necessarily needy or demanding partners, but they do need their partner to be there for them when needed – basically, to show up for them.

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Thank you, dear readers, for reading, following, and sharing. Here’s to finding and being with the right kind of people for you. If you enjoyed this post, please “like” and subscribe, if you have not already.

Check out my other blog, too – Free Range Life, at https://freerangelife.net.

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