World Class Hugs

By Rachel Puryear

On this blog, we’ve previously discussed chemistry versus compatibility in relationships, the difference between inner circle versus outer circle friends and relations, and also considering how well two people’s goals may or may not line up – in the context of large age gaps in relationships.

This post will build upon those previously established themes – and discuss to what extent they should influence decisions about the future of a developing relationship. Specifically; it will address what makes a relationship complicated, versus keeping it uncomplicated.

What does it mean for a relationship to be complicated? Here are big factors that will make it so:

• Having children together.
• Getting married (though this step isn’t necessary for things to become complicated).
• Joining your finances together (including sharing income and bills, and co-owning assets).
• Living together.
• Sharing lots of social networks.

By contrast; a totally uncomplicated relationship is one where the partners do not share children, homes, marriages, finances, or networks – or anything else that entangles their lives together. This means that there are no major things they need to resolve if the relationship ever ends. A clean and quick break is possible.

Basically, if a complicated relationship breaks up, there are more disentanglements to be made (as well as potential ongoing fights to be had) than if it’s an uncomplicated relationship.

Someone might be fine for an uncomplicated relationship with you, and maybe even as a paramour – but not necessarily appropriate for a more complicated relationship, though.

Sometimes, in evaluating a new potential partner, you will conclude that you and this person are suitable for an uncomplicated relationship with each other – but not for a more complicated one.

In a poly scenario, a paramour could be an uncomplicated relationship – whereas your relationship with a primary partner would probably be a more complicated one. Complicated relationships should only be pursued with the appropriate selectiveness for such.

In short, you’ll want to think about where a relationship is headed – and should it remain uncomplicated, or is there enough compatibility and trust such that pursuing a more complicated relationship becomes workable? This point should be carefully considered in shaping a new relationship.

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