World Class Hugs

By Rachel Puryear

As the new administration in the USA unfolds in a predictably horrifying fashion, an old debate has once again been re-ignited in the court of public opinion: is it acceptable to cut ties and end relationships with other people – even family members and longtime friends – over differences in political beliefs, including which candidates someone voted for?

The short answer is, yes – it is perfectly okay to cut ties over who someone voted for, and political beliefs in general. As for a longer answer, here is why:

It IS Personal

This blog has always, as one of its central themes, addressed the subject of toxic people and relationships. Of course, with the toxic people you know in real life, you often (if you’re lucky and it’s a feasible choice) have the option to either minimize contact with them, or cut them out completely.

The scary thing about elections, though, is that even if you vote against a toxic person; if enough others vote for them, then that toxic person can be forced upon you for several years anyway, and it will have ramifications for your life, as well as everyone else’s. So it does matter how other people vote, too.

If you care about someone whose civil rights and freedoms are likely to be negatively impacted as the result of a particular candidate getting elected; then you can’t just expect that loved one to be okay with you voting for said candidate, and pretend like they aren’t suffering because of those actions, just to avoid making you uncomfortable. That’s too much to expect.

Elections Have Consequences – and More for Some Than Others

When I was growing up, we used to have running jokes about how politicians often didn’t do the things they promised they would do. Now, though, we’re afraid they’re going to actually do exactly all the awful things they said they would do.

It would be great if bad policies and corrupt officials only affected the people who voted for them (or who at least failed to vote against them, when they could have). But that’s not the way it works in the real world. These choices affect us all, not just the ones who voted for a candidate or on an issue.

Votes Reflect Values

Actions speak louder than words, and this includes how one votes.

No matter how much someone says things like, “…but I didn’t vote for this…”, if they voted for someone who promised to do those awful, hateful, greedy, mean-spirited things or has done them before, they should have seen it coming. And it didn’t stop them when they had the chance.

The way one votes says a lot about their values, and what is and is not a dealbreaker for them. That matters a great deal in telling you who they really are and how much or how little thought they’ll give to anyone or anything.

Sometimes people say something like, “don’t ruin a relationship because of two people who don’t even know your names…”, as a way of admonishing someone else for cutting ties over politics. However, there is far more to it than that.

It isn’t about the candidates as individuals, regardless of a personal connection to them. It’s about what they represent. It’s about what they will do if they get into office – and the consequences of such for all of us. And it’s about the values they reflect, which do also transfer to those who support and thereby enable them.

Steel Yourself for the Fallout – They’re Unlikely to Feel Responsible

Just because you understand perfectly why you might need to limit contact with someone else, or even cut off contact with them completely; doesn’t mean they’ll understand your perspective – in fact, they’re extremely unlikely to, otherwise you probably would not be distancing yourself from them so much.

As much as you might deserve understanding and empathy for your choices; it’s still necessary to prepare yourself mentally for the fact that you’ll probably encounter the opposite from them. They might blame you, tell you that you’re being too sensitive, too immature, too cruel, too whatever – and feel no sense of accountability or responsibility for their own actions that led to your decision. But it really says a lot more about them than it does about you.

Can Someone Ever Redeem Themselves After Voting in a Fascist?

This is a big question, and it’s one I don’t have the answer to.

It’s your decision whether you want to forgive an individual after they helped vote in a fascist. Your choice on that is valid, either way.

But at the very least, I think that they must first demonstrate remorse, acknowledge the harms they have contributed to, commit to accountability for their actions, and actually work hard towards fighting back against that fascist.

You don’t ever owe anyone forgiveness, but I think it needs to be earned, where someone has either intentionally – or without any regard – hurt others deeply.

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Thank you, dear readers, for reading, following, and sharing. Here’s to moving on from people who bring you far more grief than joy. If you enjoyed this post, please “like” and subscribe, if you have not already.

Check out my other blog, too – Free Range Life, at https://freerangelife.net.

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