World Class Hugs

By Rachel Puryear

In life, we all meet some very difficult people along the way.

And if we’re lucky, we also meet some really wonderful ones.

You may have heard the term “dark triad,” referring to some of the most difficult – and often destructive – personalities: narcissists, psychopaths, and Machiavellians.

There’s also a lesser-known term called “light triad” – referring to having several personality traits that are the best of humanity’s, and which tend to help form strong relationships and communities.

How do you know if you meet someone with a dark triad personality, or with a light triad personality? It’s important to be able to spot both – especially before you become close to someone, or put them in an influential position. You might not be able to necessarily tell right away, but given enough time to observe someone, there will definitely be clues.

Here are some basic traits and clues to look out for in both dark triad, and light triad personalities:

Dark Triad Personalities:

The “dark triad” refers to several destructive personality types, each of which has its distinctions – but they all also share some overlapping traits. Dark triad personalities include:

• Narcissism: We’ve all been self-centered before, and not thought about others’ needs as much as we should have. Narcissists, however, take that to a whole different level – they feel that it’s all about them, all the time, and they lack empathy for anyone else. They need constant admiration and attention, and will do whatever they have to in order to get that – without scruples. They believe they are superior to everyone else, and feel victimized when they don’t get their way – even if they already have much more than their fair share and have given relatively little of themselves. There’s no room for anyone else in a relationship but them, and others’ needs and opinions aren’t even real to them.

Good fictional portrayals: Roxie Hart’s character in the movie/musical “Chicago” (greatly exaggerated sense of her own talent, shocking lack of remorse or empathy for the family of a lover she killed – instead still only thinking about herself, wanted her husband to take the blame after she lied to him).

• Psychopathy: We’ve all behaved badly at some point, and done some things we regretted later. But that’s the thing – psychopaths don’t have that regret or remorse. Furthermore, they not only hurt people as a means to an end without caring about the hurt and harm they caused, but they even enjoy creating and seeing drama and chaos and destruction and ruined lives. Nonetheless, most of them don’t have criminal records and seem relatively normal if you don’t look too closely, and the destruction they typically bring is more in their personal lives and relationships than in the streets – nonetheless, they represent more than their fair share of violent habitual criminal offenders. They can be dangerous – emotionally and financially, if not physically – to associate with.

Good fictional portrayals: Leland Townsend’s character in the TV series “Evil” (zero empathy, likes to hurt people and also bring out the worst in others, enjoys chaos and destruction and others’ pain).

• Machiavellians: We’ve all been guilty of manipulation at some point, even if it was the more benign variety (like bluffing to get someone to stop picking on you). We’ve also all told some lies, and stretched the truth. However, for Machiavellians, that’s how they live – as opposed to an occasional self-preservation thing done selectively. Machiavellians have no qualms about deceiving, manipulating malevolently, lying, and using people to get what they want – and with no remorse for the trail of destruction they left along the way. They are the kind of people who kiss up, and kick down – and only value others for what they can get from them, rather than as people. They are power hungry, competitive – and not in a fun way, emotionally shallow, distrusting, transactional rather than genuine in relationships, and lack empathy.

Good fictional portrayals: Maria LaGuerta’s character in the TV series “Dexter” (willing to hurt others at work to get ahead, fake charm to use people who can do something for her, looks down on people below her).

How common are dark triad personalities? Researchers estimate that about 7% of the international population has one or more of the dark triad personalities. That’s about one in fourteen people. However, keep in mind that we all have some dark triad tendencies at some point – and that it’s a continuum.

Note: I’m not saying that all people with dark triad personalities are pure evil. In fact, some of them have intentionally done good and made contributions in the world, despite their disturbing tendencies.

It depends a lot on how extreme their personalities are, their willingness and ability to control themselves, as well as what countervailing good traits they might also have (see below).

However, as dark triads can still be highly destructive, and are defined by a lack of the empathy and honesty that is essential to healthy relationships, they should still be approached with great caution and realistic, informed expectations.

Light Triad Traits:

The “light triad” refers to several personal characteristics which make for the best of humanity, and the kind of people we all need and want more of in our lives. These people help us make most of the true progress in the world; and while they generally don’t crave power, they tend to make the best and much-loved leaders. Light triad personality traits include:

• Empathy: A rightfully prized trait in people, empathy is the ability to feel for others, and put oneself into another’s shoes. Empathy also helps enable all of the other light triad traits.

• Compassion: Whereas empathy is about feeling for others, compassion is about how we act accordingly. A compassionate person is able to forgive others’ faults and mistakes (although this can depend on the circumstances, and even compassionate people have limits), and see the good in people – often where people don’t even see it in themselves. They tend to give the benefit of the doubt (again, that doesn’t mean being foolish, though), rather than consistently assume the worst in others. They believe fundamentally in the worth and dignity of others, and apply that to their fellow beings without arbitrary prejudices.

• Altruism: We tend to think of altruism as being charitable and donating resources and volunteering, and certainly, these activities are altruistic. Altruistic people are willing to lend a helping hand, in matters big and small, and to loved ones as well as strangers where appropriate. They are good to others just because it’s in their nature; rather than being transactional or to make themselves look good. However, altruism is even broader than that. Altruistic people are often emotionally generous, as well (subject to their own limitations, including feeling safe and comfortable with someone), and tend to give love and affection willingly rather than withhold it or make it conditional. For instance; they likely view their own struggles as a reason to help others have better outcomes than they did, rather than feel entitled to hurt others (who haven’t harmed them) because they don’t want anyone else having an easier time than they did.

Good fictional portrayals: David Acosta’s character in the TV series “Evil” (compassionate and forgiving, sees the best in others but isn’t foolish); Charlie Cale’s character in the TV series “Poker Face” (willing to help others, upbeat attitude and cares about other people – even in her own difficult circumstances, values justice); Ted Lasso, the titular character of the TV series “Ted Lasso” (forgiving, dedicated to family and loved ones, sees the best in others, very warm, encouraging and positive, doesn’t let naysayers get him down); also Keeley Jones’ character in “Ted Lasso” (good at communicating and solving others’ conflicts, empathetic listener and cares about other people, confronts bad behavior but is also forgiving where others have remorse).

How common are combinations of all the light triad personality traits? Researchers estimate that about half of the international population are light triads! Furthermore, on average, people tend to have more light triad traits than dark triad traits. This is a statistic that gives some hope.

Are Empathic/HSP People Always Light Triads?

As highly empathic and highly sensitive (HSP) people are also a recurring theme on this blog, the numbers also raise the question of whether empathic and HSP people – defined specifically by some of the light triad traits – are typically light triads.

I don’t have an answer to that, but it’s an interesting question for researchers to pursue. My inclination is that reality is not always so simple, but it would make sense for people with characteristically high levels of empathy and awareness of others’ needs, to have at least a somewhat higher likelihood of being light triads.

Note also that light triads outnumber highly empathic/HSP folks, the latter being about 20% of the population, so some people are light triads without being highly empathic/HSP – even if empathic/HSP people usually are light triads.

---

Can Someone Be Both?

Here’s another question: Can someone have a lot of both dark triad traits, and also light triad traits?

Well, I don’t have a definitive answer to that for you, either. But I think the answer is yes. There are people out there who seem to fall on both triads. Such people are morally complex, they may be hard to read and predict, and they may have done both a lot of clearly bad things and also some decidedly good things in their lives.

To a certain extent, just about all of us have some good and bad tendencies – but for some people, the ambiguity might be even more pronounced.

It’s Not All Set in Stone

There’s a Cherokee parable about a grandfather telling his grandson that he has two wolf spirits living inside himself, and in a constant battle with each other – one which is full of anger and hate, and which likes to hurt others and cares only about itself; the other which is loving and humble, cares for others, and will only fight in order to prevent an injustice. When the boy asks the old man which wolf will win, the grandfather replies, “the one I feed”. Sage advice.

---

Love this blog, and want to help support it? Please check out the following products. We are Amazon affiliates, and earn a commission when you purchase through these links – this helps support the blog, so we thank you!

• Does Winter’s chill make you dread showers? Look forward to bathing again with these big, soft, thick 100% Turkish cotton bath towel sets that will wrap you in warmth and luxury, and get you dry quickly. Available in a variety of gorgeous colors, and reasonably priced.

---

Thank you, dear readers, for reading, following, and sharing. Here’s to spotting dark triads and bringing more light triads into your life. If you enjoyed this post and want to see more like it, please hit “like” and subscribe, if you have not already.

Check out my other blog, too – Free Range Life, at https://freerangelife.net. It’s about road trips to the outdoors, traveling while fat, wealth and economic philosophy, remote/passive income streams, and van/RV life.

Note: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. As an Amazon associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. We appreciate your support!