Getting Introverts to Talk More

By Rachel Puryear

Introverts have a reputation for being quiet, reticent, and reluctant to talk.

While that reputation is there for a reason, it’s also not the full story.

Introverts will usually open up – and maybe even talk at great length – depending upon how others approach them. Want to get one to talk to you? Consider the following tips below, to really help make that happen:

Outlines of two people facing each other, with a lock image in one person’s mind, and a key image in the other’s.

Listen to Them

Sometimes, introverts aren’t trying to be antisocial. If someone else is dominating the conversation, or if there’s a lot of chatter around the room, they might just have trouble getting a word in, edgewise.

Even the most quiet and reserved of introverts (and non-introverts) will be much more likely to talk, and may even do so prolifically, if they feel like others will listen to them.

Let Them Take Their Time

Building upon the previous point; an important part of listening to someone is making some space for them to talk.

That includes letting them finish, without interrupting or cutting them off.

Introverts often formulate thoughts in their heads before speaking them out loud. This means they might pause more frequently, and talk more slowly, than faster-talking folks.

Nonetheless, they appreciate others giving them time to finish their thoughts, instead of seeing their pauses as a chance to cut in.

If you really want an introvert to notice and appreciate you, also (discreetly) discourage others in a group from cutting off the person while they’re speaking. Whether an introvert tells you so or not, they will remember and appreciate such a gesture.

Validate

Introverts – as well as non-introverts, but especially introverts – will open up a lot more often and extensively to you if you validate them and be supportive when appropriate, while you’re listening to them.

Does this mean that you have to always agree with them, or can never challenge anything they say? No, certainly not – that is unrealistic and unreasonable.

However, the point of validating someone is to acknowledge their feelings and experiences as valid and real; without the need to pressure them to adopt yours instead, or dismissing theirs.

Validation is a key component of empathy. Again, it doesn’t mean you agree with everything someone else says; it just means you recognize their narrative as real, and you see them. Learning and developing this skill will take you far in terms of encouraging other people to generally open up to you.


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